No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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