I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
