My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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