I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
