Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
