My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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