So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I have post one night stand depression
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