i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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