I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
