Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
