dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
