PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
