As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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