I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
