I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
