my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
