See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
