THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize