I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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