i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
