hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
