I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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