just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
