I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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