While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
