i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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