it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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