The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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