that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
