did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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