got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize