my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
