Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
