Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I pour the whiskey from now on
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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