well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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