Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize