: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
