Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
