The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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