Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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