I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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