i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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