i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
