The maid of honor just puked.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
