I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
