new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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