i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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