no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
