can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize