I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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