His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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