i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
