dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
