They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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