i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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