yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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