woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
