I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
