I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize