i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
