I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
