i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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