So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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