3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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