Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
