I feel like abortions should bother me more
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
