he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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