R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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