Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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